My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
