Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
