i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I deserve this hangover.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
