Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Randomize
