anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
