she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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