The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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