party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
They took my balls.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
