If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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