goodnight i made you a song goodbye
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
