meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
