he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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