used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize