Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
