i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
