I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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