pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
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