I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Everything about him screamed your future.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
