I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Randomize
