Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
