I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
