i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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