i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
