Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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