Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize
