Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
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