the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
