Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
