yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
The ass gains better be worth it
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