i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
