Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
