its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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