Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
