What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Randomize
