I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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