Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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