I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Just pee around me
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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