I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
