my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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