I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
