Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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