Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
She's just so happy...and so naked.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
