Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
soo... how was my night?
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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