Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
