farters have to be the big spoon...
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
