You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
