i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
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