Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
