3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
