I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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