sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I smell stomach acid.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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