My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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