when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
