I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I think my moral compass just broke
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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