I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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