Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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