i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
