I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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