Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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