Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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