some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
We had sex on a dog bed..
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
