I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
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