There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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