god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
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I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
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